Sujit-Sauryayoga 索莉雅太陽瑜珈專欄 心靈饗宴 謝謝瑜珈,讓我再次相信我自己


過去的我,執著於太多外在事物, 總是奮力要掌控與扭轉情勢, 吞下委屈與傷痛, 不斷地妥協, 逞強苦笑著逼自己當個小鬥士,無視心中掙扎求救的呼聲。

某次的狀況崩解,我狠狠地摔到低潮谷底, 飽受情緒困擾, 自我價值與信心低落, 對眼前的一切感到茫然失落, 對生活感到索然無味。

當時只是想找尋能分散我注意力的事物, 因緣際會, 遇見了瑜珈。第一次站上瑜珈墊的時候, 腦中竟然傳來聲音:「就是這裡了」;大休息時, 一種既安心又酸楚的感覺襲捲而來, 我閉著眼睛,默默地卸下武裝, 向過去臣服, 讓眼淚朝髮際線奔流。

從那之後, 我開始著手處理自己。

人的身體,儲存了所有的記憶,而瑜珈, 是精密無比的超音波偵測儀, 我滿身的破敗無所遁形, 在初期每次的練習裡, 我總覺得四處撞壁, 身體僵硬痛楚、胸悶、呼吸困難;人言良藥苦口, 而瑜珈, 也正是修復這些記憶傷痕的最佳途徑。 透過體位法的練習, 我學會了與自己身體對話的語言, 慢慢地摸索如何與這「最熟悉的陌生人」相處。從有限的詞彙開始,不設立目標,接受我本來的面目,反而更能適得其所地從容成長,突破許多我設想自己可能有的極限。


在墊子上吐納之際, 是我與自己親密對話的時間:每回的吸氣, 穩定而持續的給自己帶來了力量;每回的吐氣, 壟罩在我心上的薄霧似乎就被驅逐了一些;瑜珈引領了我靠岸,我在墊子上找回了曾經走失了的那部份自己。


圖文 by D.S


For some past time, I exerted my energy on trying to take control or twist a situation that went against my will. Bearing resentment and grievance, I kept compromising and forcing myself getting back up to fight; I chose to ignore the loud crying of help in my mind.

Somehow, one incident collapsed me, and I was pushed down to the lowest level of self-esteem and at a great loss of confidence.

I was plagued by depression and countless nights of insomnia, constantly felt hopeless and trapped in grief.

I was in search of something, anything that could ignite the fire and passion I used to have for life. I wandered for a long time, until I met Yoga.

The moment I stepped onto the mat, the voice echoed in my head: “This is it.” I was overwhelmed by a wave of relief and nostalgia during Shavasana, and then I surrendered myself to the past, defenseless, and let tears streak down my face. That’s where the self-healing process began.

It’s said that human body could store all your life memory, and Yoga is like an ultrasonic detector that could find out all the damages, however well hidden. During my early practices, I always felt suffocated, stuck and stiff all over, the discomforts reflected how imbalanced I was, but Yoga, it serves as the most effective remedy to repair those psychological scars.

Through the practice of asana, I got to learn the language to communicate with my own body, and learned how to get along with this “most intimate stranger”. Starting from the basics without setting up any goals, I tried to embrace the true self without reservations.

Gradually, things started to fall into places, I am getting comfortable in my own skin, and even managed to break though the limits I thought existed.

There’s no obstacles you cannot overcome but yourself.

Breathing in and out on the mat is the down time I get to bond with my inner self:
Every inhalation empowers myself in a stable pace.
Every exhalation chases away the glooms hovers on my mind.
Yoga anchors me; I found the missing piece of self on the mat.

Thanks to Yoga, for teaching me the truth about “loving yourself.”
Thanks to Yoga, for filling me with courage and growing me incredibly strong.
Thanks to Yoga, for making me to believe in myself again.

Article & Photo by D.S